If resilience is a skill that can be honed and developed and we acknowledge that habits underpin the ability to do this in a sustainable way, I’ve been really curious about what underpins the ability to build good habits. In the main, we all know what we should or shouldn’t do…so how do we make it simple to embed habits that both serve us – and others well.

Firstly what makes something a habit?
1. Something that we do without thinking or even considering not doing – think of brushing your teeth – this is a non-negotiable habit that we do each morning and each evening. I remember a story of people heading home after work on a Tuesday evening and deciding whether or not to go to the spinning class at their local gym. The ones who made the class were those for who it was non-negotiable, ‘this is what I do on a Tuesday evening’, those who hadn’t committed were much more likely to walk straight past the gym.
Once it has become part of our routine, it frees us from decision making and we don’t need to draw on will power.

2. And if we recognise that motivation wanes and will power is limited – which is so powerfully demonstrated by the classic experiment of Walter Mischel where children are offered a single marshmallow to eat now or delay eating the first one and being given two.

So if you are wanting to change the relationship you have with your phone and spend less time aimlessly scrolling, make sure you do the following:

Don’t have it in your bedroom – even it you place it on the other side of the room, it is easy to pick it up. I’ve heard from many clients that buying a cheap old fashioned alarm clock so that you don’t need your phone to wake you up can be a game changer. Have a docking station so your phone almost has a ‘parking space’ and you aren’t constantly picking it up.

In a recent training I’ve been delivering, we have a short break half way through the session, it has been so interesting hearing from participants who even during a 2 minute break where the invitation is ‘not to check your phone’ – it has felt challenging. We’ve become so accustomed to constantly ‘doing’ something even if it isn’t productive. Interesting research shows that going on your phone during a short break means that your brain is not able to recharge as effectively as during other types of breaks. Reach for your cell phone at your own risk: The cognitive costs of media choice for breaks ( Kang and Kurtzberg, 2019) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31418586/

3. Habits are malleable, meaning whatever we do gets stronger. So whether you are practicing something that serves you and the team around you well or doesn’t serve you and the team around you well, will get stronger. This is where self-awareness as well as awareness of others is so key.

Think of playing sport – as you do something more often, both the muscles you use as well as well as the associated mental pathways you create, become stronger. But as we all know, stop doing that particular sport and you loose fitness and the muscle memory fairly quickly.

4. Notice when you derail…The acronym H.A.L.T can be so handy. Simply recognising that when we are feeling any of the following, we are far more likely to engage in behaviours that aren’t necessarily in our best interests:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Clients have often mentioned how helpful it is to simply recognise that they are feeling a bit flustered/irritated/anxious and as they explore factors that might be contributing such as Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired they become far more skilful in their responses.

As soon as we recognise what we are feeling (name and tame – see previous blog. Please insert link), we can then pause, reflect and decide on how best to proceed.

5. Context Matters – The people and environment around us have a powerful impact on our ability to embed new habits. I’ve noticed so often that when someone new joins a team who feels strongly about something such as healthy eating or exercising regularly, it can really impact the whole team.
As humans we are a social species, we tend to conform to the behaviours that we see around us. We learn from one another, seeing someone successfully implementing something into their busy days can really help us see that it is possible and gives us a few clues on how to go about making the changes and embedding the habit.
The positive reinforcement from others and accountability that comes from having someone else know your intention to take on something new or create a new habit can be so helpful as you make changes and embed new behaviours.

6 Visualise success – Rather than turning habit change into a chore and hard work, visualise yourself succeeding and reward yourself as you achieve small milestones. Habits align with identity ‘I’m the kind of person who…’ and as a team, who identify as highly effective and productive, recognise key behaviours that underpin this culture:
‘in our team meetings we do a quick check in with one another’
‘we ensure that everyone gets the chance to speak during team meetings’

7. Make it simple and small – Obstacles that get in the way can make derailing much more likely, so you definitely don’t want to set the bar too high. Some examples I’ve heard from clients include:

‘building a greater sense of team cohesion and productivity’ Starting every week with a check in on how people are feeling about their workload and identifying if anyone needs support.

‘Noticing and celebrating what has gone well’ The team lead sends out an email each Friday afternoon, calling out team members who’ve done something positive during the week – this could be about client work or simply something they notice and appreciate about that person. I’ve heard from team members how this ends the week on a really positive note and is a good message to the team to ‘switch off and enjoy the weekend’

In essence, small changes, made consistently, reshape your identify and lead to powerful long-term transformation that can positively impact you as well as those around you.
As said by @James Clear in his book Atomic habits:

‘All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger.’